Gotsuk glanced around him and bit his lip.
“I swear there was a bar here not 10 minutes ago…” He muttered. He should know, the bar penguin had chased him off with a shot gun for hitting on it’s wife. But how was Gotsuk meant to know she was married?! I mean seriously, it’s not like the wedding ring was a very good signal, those things are rather hard to spot. A giant neon sign would be much more helpful.
Gotsuk turned in a circle and scratched his head. Nothing surrounded him but ice for as far as the eye could see. T’was most confusing.
Gotsuk was not the only one who was confused. A crowd of other beer craving penguins shuffled around him, blearily/drunkenly muttering about those blasted rocket bars.
Gotsuk turned to his fellow disappointed and confused drinking penguins.
“We seem to have misplaced our bar.” He stated, then promptly plopped down on his arse to wait for the magical bar to reappear. The other penguins followed suit, and the wait began.
*6 months later…*
“… I think we need to re-strategize…”
*One meeting that very closely parallels the council of Elrond from The lord of the rings later…*
“So it has been decided, you nine shall go forth, find, and destroy the disappearing bar of legend. Good luck to you all.”
Gotsuk nodded his thanks to the penguin emperor, who, ironically, was an emperor penguin, go figure, then turned to his fellow 8 questers. Staring meaningfully off into the distance he took off his sunglasses, paused for effect, then put them back on, before speaking in an overly dramatic hushed voice.
“Let the hunt begin.”
As one all the questing penguins snapped to attention and dove off the rapidly melting sacred meeting iceberg into the ocean.
*Imagine a map with a squiggly line showing where Gotsuk and co have traveled all over the world here*
“This is becoming somewhat frustrating.” Gotsuk grumbled to no penguin in particular. They had been traveling around the globe now for 3 years, but still no sign of the magical bar.
The 8 other questing penguins muttered their assent, and it was then that a unanimous decision was made without a single word spoken – Fuck this, lets go home.
And that they did. One red eye plane trip later and Gotsuk and his fellow penguins were back out on the expanse of ice they had started from.
“Well lads, who’s up for migrating to the clan of penguins over in windy tops?“ Gotsuk asked, after all this patch of ice wasn’t very appealing, it was much nicer just over the hill at windy tops. The other penguins thought so to, and so soon they had all scaled hill and were peering down at their future home.
“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Gotsuk snarled along with the penguins around him, for who should be the new attraction of Windy tops but the magical disappearing bar, the bar penguin, and his wife!
*One headlong slide and much growling and swearing later…*
“Oh hello boys! Long time no see. The wife ‘ere and I decided to take a holiday over in Hawaii for a bit, but when we tried to come back we landed a bit to far to the left and ended up ‘ere! Would you believe it? We tried coming over to tell you lot where we were, but you had gone off on some secret mission overseas so we thought we’d leave you to it. Anyways, what can I get you boys?”
Gotsuk and the 8 fellow questers could only stare open mouthed at the bar penguin. All that effort for nothing! Almost 4 years wasted! There were no words to express how frustrated and angry the questing penguins were. So Gotsuk did the first thing that came to mind.
“Bring us beer. Lots of beer.”
“Coming right up.” The bar penguin grinned. This had been the best April fools prank he’d ever pulled on these guys. How on earth was he meant to top it next year?
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